Monday, August 25, 2008

Smuggling Melons

To be honest, I've never really been overly fond of my body. Blame the media, marketing, Barbie, or whomever, but it's true; I've got some insecurites. When I was in high school, I made a list of the 5 things I'd change about myself if I could. They are (in no particular order): 1) my height (I'm close to 5'3'' in the right shoes), 2) my weight, 3) my teeth, 4) my fingers (very chubby and too short), and 5) my cheeks (hello, have you seen them... it's like I'm storing stuff for the winter!). Let's skip over the fact that I both made the list and still remember the list. The one thing that I never complained about was my chest. Yes, I truely believe that both the Lord and genetics blessed me in that category.

Now let's skip forward to present day. The insecurites are still there and on full alert because I just had Tyler. I need to start working out, but I don't have the energy. And I hate that I can't really wear anything in my closet. I have 6 shirts that fit me, and I'm tired of looking at myself in the same old boring outfits day after day after day after day. Part of my wardrobe problems is the body weight, the other is my boobs. They're ginormous! When I was pregnant Joe and I used to joke around that my boobs were trying to keep up with my growing belly. It was funny at the time...

Seriously, breast-feeding has giving me boobs that people pay to have (minus the milk, of course). The problem I'm having is that even if I wanted to wear anything that I wore prior to being pregnant, it looks like I'm smuggling melons under my shirt. It's ridiculous. It'd be comical, if it wasn't me I was looking at in the mirror. Too much of a good thing is still just too much. At this point I'm wishing I had the old me back... insecurites and all.

5 comments:

Joe said...

1) I LOVE the fact that you're a shorty!!! I LOVE IT. Sure, it sucks that you have to stand on a stool to get in the cabinets, but it's friggin adorable!!

2) I don't know what your worry about weight is all about. I've always thought you are hot. I don't know how to say this without it coming out bad in some way... but your body was smokin' before you were pregnant. You put on your baby weight, and didn't get BIG, you just got pregnant.... and it's been melting off you since Tank has been born.

3) TEETH?!?!?!? Wha? What the heck is wrong with your teeth??

4) Your fingers are super-cute. They match your shortness.

5) You're my girl and you've always been hot to me... quit beating yourself up about it.

6) Seriously.... not just smuggling melons, but smuggling melons that have been injected with some mega growing additive. Them things are scary when they're all full and stuff.

hollystar said...

oh goodness. i hate to hear that such a beauty as yourself has such issues, but its not as though they are uncommon. unfortunately. i never would have guessed the cheeks though. through the glimpses joe has given us creepy forum people of you, i always thought he was a very lucky man. i know because i share many of the same insecurities with you that saying this means little, but you really shouldnt worry. really. didnt help much, huh?

oh the memories of breastmilk. i remember the day my milk came in. it was two days after my tyler was out. we went shopping for some fans for the house because it was effing hot. we were walking out of some houseware store and i felt like someone attached 10lb barbells to my nipples. holy crap. i pressed on my boob a little and it was ROCK HARD. i jumped up and down a bit and they didnt even jiggle a little. being mostly large chested in my everyday, my chest balloned (litterally) to a DD+. i dont know how much plus because i couldnt find a bra in 34DDD/F nor did i want to. i spent the following 8months (while i pumped because we never got a latch) in sports bras and tank tops with shelf bras. oh the joys. but it was ok. i had a tyler and did my best to enjoy him. embrace your boobs and a good set of nursing pads...

Joanna said...

Isn't it sad that the boobs can go down to a size even lower than you started with after you're done having babies?

Good luck with the clothes, I finally gave up and bought new because I was sick of how I looked. So far it's helped! I've also heard that there's supposed to be a 24-hour fitness opening this winter in town... I know that's going to make exercise easier for me!

Joe said...

Yes... 24 hour fitness place is opening up over by B-dubs, and the movie theater. The rates didn't look bad, but I can't find them now.

Joanna said...

Tim's cousin is friends with the owner and they told us the rates, but I don't remember either. Anything with numbers is fairly sketchy at this point. At least until DJ is at least 11 or so. I particularly like that it is a co-ed gym and is supposed to have weights that are big enough for Tim to actually get a good workout on. I don't know what his deal is, but he rarely likes any gym.