Saturday, September 13, 2008

Hear No Poopy, See No Poopy, Smell No Poopy

That's right folks, it's time for that never-ending, "god they are sooo parents now" topic... Poop. Now, normally no self-respecting adult would find themselves talking to another adult about poop. Joe and I happen to be parents of two dogs, one of which we've had for almost 5 years, and therefore have just about always talked about poop. Who (meaning dogs) pooped and who hasn't was always discussed after each outing. We somehow stumbled into bathroom-math when discussing the topic of our dogs bow-wow-els. #1 = pee, #2 = poop. So, in our secret language, I'd come in after walking the dogs and say, "Logan did a #3, and Delilah did a #1". There you have it. (Feel free to borrow this for your house.)

With this in mind, once Tyler was born we had no problem poop-talking about our son. It was a natural progression for us. Color, consistency, frequency... yes, we're just those people. Very romantic, I know. Shortly after we brought Tyler home from the hospital, and we were out of that retched meconium phase, I remember Joe reading me an online article (boldly) stating that breastfed babies don't have stinky poo. In fact, the author of said article went as far as saying that breastfed babies have poop that smells like "buttered popcorn". (ewh, I know. Ask Joe for the article... he MIGHT be able to find it again.) I decided that if this was in fact true, I could easily change Tyler's diapers for the next several months, having only sacrificed the guilty pleasure of movie theater popcorn. No problems.... except the fact that the author of this article is a FREAKING LIAR!!!!! Tyler has some of the smelliest poop, dare I say, ever. Sometimes, heck most of the time, it gags me. I know he could clear a room. And I know, you're lectures regarding my diet are on the tip of your tongue... but I assure you, my diet doesn't matter. I don't drink milk (it gives me migraine headaches), I take my vitamins regularly, and I try my darndest to eat well-balanced meals. hmpf. Clothespins anyone? Gas masks? I'll take whatever you got.

I would be completely disgusted by my own son, except for the fact that he is so cute when he poops. I usually get a front-row seat to his pooping-face, because he frequently decides that nursing time equals a good time to poop. I have my suspicions that he is just trying to make room for more food. But, or should I say butt, when Tyler goes, he makes the cutest concentration face, elevates his shoulders, arches his back (I told you... front-row seats baby), and makes the cutest squeaks anyone has ever heard, all while letting it rip. I think that we need to video tape it; Joe thinks it would ruin any and all chances with the ladies in the future. We'll see.

And, I'd also like to challenge makers of diapers. Could you make them better? You know, so they'd work. That would be great. We are once again in the no-diaper-can-hold-in-my-poop phase. I know that we don't need to get bigger diapers, my kid is only 10 weeks old and he's in size 3 (16-28 pounds, for those of you not in the know). Still, we have a blow-out on what seems like a daily basis. It doesn't matter who installs the diaper, whether it's on super tight, super loose, or just right (sorry, we've recently read goldilocks)... blow-outs still happen. It's like his butt crack forms the perfect tunnel to send poop shooting straight out the back of the diaper, up his back, and all over his outfit. I'm tired of it. And, I'm tired of soaking and scrubbing poo out of Tyler's clothes. Short of putting him in rubber pants or a paper sack, I don't know what to do.

So it's now official; I'm that mom. Talking to strangers about her child's poop. Is there a membership for this club?


holly* said...

i dont remember our tyler's poop being horrible at that age, but (ooo girl, let me tell you...) his butt is definately rotten now. seriously. i have one of those sensitive gag reflexs and i've been gagging since about 5 months (when solids started). sometimes i have to look away and breath or sniff a baby wipe to get the job done. yea. at least they are more solid now and easier to clean...
deep down, every parent is THAT parent. we all talk about poop. the people who say they dont, are LIARS!
definately video tape that! the point of having children is to embarass them later. right? no. meh. tape it. we got our tyler "discovering" himself in the bathtub. oh man, perfect prom night material.
have you tried different diapers to prevent blow outs?
if you're having a hard time with the stains, i've found that mrs. meyers baby stain remover is amazing. and mrs. meyers oxyge bleach (i like the lavendar) and baking powder will get pretty much any thing out as well.

Irrational Dad said...

Best post ever (even though there's only 4 so far)!!!

I remember that article. There were actually a couple. Here's one:

And how about this? There's another one that says mothers PREFER the smell of their baby's poops:

So, next time, Sarah, embrace Tyler's poop, and grab yourself a giant whiff of that sweet, sweet aroma.

Joanna said...

Everyone talks about poop at one time or another. Some people, like moms, are just more upfront about it.

I don't have anything to tell you on the poop smell. DJ has not had that particular issue. While I'm not going to go rolling around in poopy diapers, it doesn't smell that bad. More like a sickeningly sweet smell, but nothing like what you've described. Most descriptions that I have heard include some variation of soft pretzels or other bread.

As far as the blowouts, that shouldn't be happening - if I were you, I would change diapers. It sounds like it is not fitting him right. You know the commercials with the mom pushing the brick down the slide? They say that if your baby is shaped like a brick, X diaper is good for you, but if not use Y diaper. Not all babies wear the same fit, but once you find the one that works for you - it's great. Cloth diapers are easier to change the fit on, but with disposables you have some options too. Luvs have worked the best for us for avoiding blowouts.

Sarah said...

Holly & Joanna:

Yes, I've tried Luvs, Pampers (got them for shower presents, I typically don't have that kind of money to just poop on), and Huggies. I've yet to find a diaper that Tyler can't poop his way out of. We're currently using Luvs.

Thanks for the stain-removing suggestions!

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J-momma said...

so funny! i think it gets better when they're older but i can't guarantee that. we've had a few big ones (me gagging and him needing a bath) when my son was between 1 and 2. but now that he's over 2, the diapers seem to be holding him in. maybe it has to do with the consistency. the poop gets harder as they get older. yes, i guess i'm one of those parents too. we use pampers and they usually work.